I love me, I love me not. I love me, I love me not. Do these words sound familiar? Every time I think that I have come to grips with who I am, I catch a fleeting glimpse of myself in the mirror. The horror of seeing, or rather not seeing, myself in that sideways glimpse that really puts everything in proportion drives me into a total downward spiral of self-criticism. Gravity is not my friend! If only I had the arms of Jennifer Anniston, the behind of Jennifer Lopez and the legs of any of the professionals on Dancing with the Stars, then I could be truly happy with myself……like a conveyor belt, these self-loathing accusations float through my thoughts until they have me convinced that because I am not pretty like the models and actresses that I must also be unlovable and undesirable. Then I move to the closet and, well, let’s face it, my middle-class wardrobe does not compare to the couture of Beverly Hills or even the store front windows in the mall. Several changes of clothes later, I move to the counter to start the transformation of my hair. Maybe I should just throw in towel, so to speak, or just grab my nearest hat which is so well worn that it comfortably conforms to my head while deftly hiding my unruly locks. This vicious cycle is one that has repeated itself way too many times to count.
Thankfully, the me I see in the mirror is not the me that really matters. For obvious reasons, I need to take care of myself with good nutrition, exercise and grooming, but how I look or dress is not the be-all, end-all that defines me. As I learn to place my focus on how God sees me – a perfect reflection of Him with a unique purpose and plan – then I can easily be comfortable with loving myself. This body that I am in right now is just a shell that carries the real me for the short time I am on earth. My real journey begins when I reach my heavenly home and eternity starts. This life is a dress rehearsal for so much more. Here’s the thing though, I cannot truly love others or God while I’m here, if I can’t love myself. How can I love God yet not love myself when He says I am perfectly and wonderfully made? Herein lies the battle between what I know and what I see. I have been so conditioned to look for aesthetic beauty that I rarely look beneath the surface to see the diamond that is hidden within. I am striving to consciously look beneath the surface in hopes that this action will become an unconscious habit. Wish me luck as I perfect this newly started habit.
What do you do when you feel the doubts about your self-worth? What words of advice can you share? Please let me know!